Action vs. Words

I'm ugly.
That must be it.
He's probably just saying those things to make me feel better.
He's a nice guy, of course he's trying to be nice.
Sorry buddy but it's just not working.

OK, so maybe I'm not mirror shattering, set yourself on fire, butt ugly.
I know I'm at least not the level of good-looking that he's talking about.
Goddess, beautiful, sexy, puh-lease.
Words.
He won't even look at me without my shirt on.
I have a cute face, I'm tolerable.
There's nothing else, though, and I know it.

I'm probably the fattest girl he's dated,
And I feel myself getting bigger every day.
I can't get smooth and silky skin easily and my lotions smell wierd to him.
I can't blame him, wierd smells are a turn off for me too.

Maybe it's the scar on my stomach
Or my breath is chronic bad,
Or my boobs are too big.
Maybe I can't kiss good
Or I handle him just not well.
I don't know anymore.

I just wish he'd look at me the way he used to.
With love and passion and hope.
His eyes would light up when he saw me and he'd smile a lot more.
He'd laugh and I'd see joy and I'd be so happy.

But now...

When he turns off the lights,
Puts his earbuds in,
And turns the other way,
It just hurts.
A lot.

He doesn't mean to hurt me.
He just doesn't know.
At least, that's what I tell myself.

None the less, actions speak louder than words.
And "I love you" are still just words.